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Men Hurt More in Rocky Relationships (13th June, 2010)


 

Most people think women are more affected when a relationship hits a rocky patch. According to a new study on over 1,000 break-ups, it is the opposite. Research from the Wake Forest University in the USA suggests men have a much harder time dealing with the low points. Researchers say women have a harder time coping with a break-up. Lead researcher Robin Simon said: "Common wisdom says that women are more hurt by problems in a relationship, but we found that the…disadvantages of strain are exaggerated for the men." She added: "Men are more sensitive than we often think they are." Simon and her co-researchers discovered that men often put a brave face on problems they have with their partner but inside, they feel more emotional pain than women.

The research also showed how differently men and women dealt with problems. Women show their feelings more by crying and talking about how they feel. Men find this hard to do because they need to be ‘masculine’ and men don’t cry. Instead, they turn to the bottle or look for escape by using drugs. Ms Simon said the more relationship problems a guy went through, the more likely he was to become dependent on alcohol or drugs. They make the pain go away through substance abuse rather than talking. Simon said things are changing and that more and more men are opening up. She said guys these days are more likely to have divorced parents "and this might make them more sensitive to the ups and downs of a relationship” and be more emotionally aware.


 
 

WARM-UPS

1. RELATIONSHIPS: Walk around the class and talk to other students about relationships. Change partners often. Sit with your first partner(s) and share your findings.

2. CHAT: In pairs / groups, decide which of these topics or words from the article are most interesting and which are most boring.

 

relationships / rocky patches / break-ups / low points / wisdom / strain / a brave face / dealing with problems / masculine / drugs / dependent / divorce / ups and downs

Have a chat about the topics you liked. Change topics and partners frequently.

3. MEN & WOMEN: Who’s better at what? Complete this table with your partner(s). Change partners and share what you wrote. Change and share again.

Better at…

Who?

Why?

Romance

 

 

Driving

 

 

Parenting

 

 

Saving money

 

 

Teaching

 

 

Being honest

 

 

4. COPING: Students A strongly believe men are better at coping with relationship break-ups; Students B strongly believe the opposite – women are better.  Change partners again and talk about your conversations.

5. EMOTIONAL PAIN: Which of these are best for dealing with emotional pain? Rank them and share your rankings with your partner. Change partners and share your rankings.

  • talking to someone
  • listening to music
  • drinking alcohol
  • spending time alone
  • watching a movie
  • pretending it isn’t there
  • going shopping
  • drugs

6. MASCULINE: Spend one minute writing down all of the different words you associate with the word ‘masculine’. Share your words with your partner(s) and talk about them. Together, put the words into different categories.


 
 

BEFORE READING / LISTENING

1. TRUE / FALSE: Read the headline. Guess if  a-h  below are true (T) or false (F).

a.

An article suggested men are hurt more in mountaineering accidents.

T / F

b.

The study looked at details of more than 1,000 relationship break-ups.

T / F

c.

The lead researcher said men are very insensitive.

T / F

d.

The researcher said men try to cover up their real emotions.

T / F

e.

Women deal with problems through tears and chats.

T / F

f.

Men drink alcohol when they want to make emotional pain disappear.

T / F

g.

The researcher said there is no link between break-ups and drug use.

T / F

h.

The research said divorced men are more sensitive.

T / F

2. SYNONYM MATCH: Match the following synonyms from the article.

1.

affected

a.

talking more

2

rocky

b.

overstated

3.

coping

c.

coped with

4.

exaggerated

d.

shaky

5.

brave

e.

conscious

6.

dealt

f.

influenced

7.

masculine

g.

needy

8.

dependent

h.

managing

9.

opening up

i.

manly

10.

aware

j.

courageous

3. PHRASE MATCH:  (Sometimes more than one choice is possible.)

1.

when a relationship hits

a.

face on problems

2

a new study on over

b.

on alcohol or drugs

3.

men have a much

c.

we often think

4.

Men are more sensitive than

d.

the ups and downs

5.

men often put a brave

e.

the bottle

6.

how differently men and women

f.

a rocky patch

7.

turn to

g.

abuse

8.

become dependent

h.

1,000 break-ups

9.

substance

i.

harder time

10.

more sensitive to

j.

dealt with problems

 

WHILE READING / LISTENING

GAP FILL: Put the words into the gaps in the text.

Most people think women are more ____________ when a relationship hits a rocky patch. According to a new study on over 1,000 break-ups, it is the ____________. Research from the Wake Forest University in the USA suggests men have a much harder time ____________ with the low ____________. Researchers say women have a harder time coping with a break-up. Lead researcher Robin Simon said: "Common ____________ says that women are more hurt by problems in a relationship, but we found that the…disadvantages of ____________ are exaggerated for the men." She added: "Men are more sensitive than we often think they are." Simon and her co-researchers discovered that men often put a ____________ face on problems they have with their partner but ____________, they feel more emotional pain than women.

 

 

 

strain
dealing
inside
affected
wisdom
opposite
brave
points

The research also showed how ____________ men and women dealt with problems. Women show their feelings more by ____________ and talking about how they feel. Men find this hard to do because they need to be ‘____________’ and men don’t cry. Instead, they turn to the bottle or look for ____________ by using drugs. Ms Simon said the more relationship problems a guy went through, the more ____________ he was to become dependent on alcohol or drugs. They make the pain go away ____________ substance abuse rather than talking. Simon said things are changing and that more and more men are ____________ up. She said guys these days are more likely to have divorced parents "and this might make them more ____________ to the ups and downs of a relationship” and be more emotionally aware.

 

 

likely
through
crying
escape
sensitive
differently
opening
masculine

LISTENING – Listen and fill in the gaps

Most people think women ___________________ a relationship hits a rocky patch. According to a new study on over 1,000 break-ups, ___________________. Research from the Wake Forest University in the USA suggests men have a much harder ___________________ low points. Researchers say women have a harder time coping with a break-up. Lead researcher Robin Simon said: "___________________ that women are more hurt by problems in a relationship, but we found that the…disadvantages of strain are exaggerated for the men." She added: "Men are more sensitive than ___________________ are." Simon and her co-researchers discovered that men often put a brave face on problems they have with their ___________________, they feel more emotional pain than women.

The research also showed ___________________ men and women dealt with problems. Women show their feelings more by crying and talking about how they feel. Men find this hard to do because they ___________________ and men don’t cry. Instead, they ___________________ or look for escape by using drugs. Ms Simon said the more relationship problems a guy went through, the more likely he was to become dependent ___________________. They make the pain go away through substance abuse rather than talking. Simon said things are changing and that more and more ___________________. She said guys these days are more likely to have divorced parents "and this might make them more sensitive to the ___________________ relationship” and be more emotionally aware.


 
 

AFTER READING / LISTENING

1. WORD SEARCH: Look in your dictionary / computer to find collocates, other meanings, information, synonyms … for the words ‘rocky’ and ‘patch’.

rocky

patch

 

 

 

  • Share your findings with your partners.
  • Make questions using the words you found.
  • Ask your partner / group your questions.

2. ARTICLE QUESTIONS: Look back at the article and write down some questions you would like to ask the class about the text.

  • Share your questions with other classmates / groups.
  • Ask your partner / group your questions.

3. GAP FILL: In pairs / groups, compare your answers to this exercise. Check your answers. Talk about the words from the activity. Were they new, interesting, worth learning…?

4. VOCABULARY: Circle any words you do not understand. In groups, pool unknown words and use dictionaries to find their meanings.

5. TEST EACH OTHER: Look at the words below. With your partner, try to recall how they were used in the text:

  • affected
  • suggests
  • coping
  • strain
  • brave
  • pain
  • dealt
  • crying
  • cry
  • abuse
  • opening
  • ups

STUDENT RELATIONSHIPS SURVEY

Write five GOOD questions about relationships in the table. Do this in pairs. Each student must write the questions on his / her own paper.

When you have finished, interview other students. Write down their answers.

 

STUDENT 1

_____________

STUDENT 2

_____________

STUDENT 3

_____________

Q.1.

 

 

 

 

Q.2.

 

 

 

 

Q.3.

 

 

 

 

Q.4.

 

 

 

 

Q.5.

 

 

 

 

  • Now return to your original partner and share and talk about what you found out. Change partners often.
  • Make mini-presentations to other groups on your findings.

RELATIONSHIPS DISCUSSION

STUDENT A’s QUESTIONS (Do not show these to student B)

a)

What did you think when you read the headline?

b)

What springs to mind when you hear the word ‘relationships’?

c)

Do you think relationships are easy or difficult?

d)

What makes relationships so difficult?

e)

Are men or women better at dealing with relationships when things go wrong?

f)

What bad relationships have you had?

g)

Are men more sensitive than people think they are?

h)

When was the last time you put a brave face on something?

i)

What advice would you give someone to have a happy relationship?

j)

Why should men and women feel different things in relationships?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

STUDENT B’s QUESTIONS (Do not show these to student A)

a)

Did you like reading this article?

b)

How do you think mean and women deal with things differently in rocky relationships?

c)

What celebrity relationships do you know of that are on rocky ground?

d)

Do you like hearing about the relationship problems of other people?

e)

Are all men ‘masculine’? Do they need to be?

f)

What do you think of people who turn to the bottle when they feel emotional pain?

g)

Do you think talking is the best way to deal with things?

h)

Do you think men are opening up more?

i)

What ups and downs have you experienced recently?

j)

What questions would you like to ask Robin Simon?

LANGUAGE – MULTIPLE CHOICE

Most people think women are more (1) ____ when a relationship hits a rocky patch. According to a new study on over 1,000 break-ups, it is the (2) ____. Research from the Wake Forest University in the USA suggests men have a much harder time dealing with the low points. Researchers say women have a harder time (3) ____ with a break-up. Lead researcher Robin Simon said: "Common wisdom says that women are more hurt (4) ____ problems in a relationship, but we found that the…disadvantages of strain are exaggerated (5) ____ the men." She added: "Men are more sensitive than we often think they are." Simon and her co-researchers discovered that men often put a brave (6) ____ on problems they have with their partner but inside, they feel more emotional pain than women.

The research also showed how (7) ____ men and women dealt with problems. Women show their feelings more by crying and talking about how they feel. Men find this hard to do because they need to be ‘masculine’ and men don’t cry. Instead, they (8) ____ to the bottle or look for escape by (9) ____ drugs. Ms Simon said the more relationship problems a guy went through, the more (10) ____ he was to become dependent on alcohol or drugs. They make the pain go away through substance abuse (11) ____ than talking. Simon said things are changing and that more and more men are opening up. She said guys these days are more likely to have divorced parents "and this might make them more sensitive to the ups and downs of a relationship” and be more (12) ____ aware.

Put the correct words from the table below in the above article.

1.

(a)

affected

(b)

affects

(c)

effects

(d)

effected

2.

(a)

attracts

(b)

opposite

(c)

opposed

(d)

parallel

3.

(a)

copying

(b)

coped

(c)

coping

(d)

copied

4.

(a)

at

(b)

with

(c)

to

(d)

by

5.

(a)

at

(b)

to

(c)

on

(d)

for

6.

(a)

head

(b)

skull

(c)

face

(d)

look

7.

(a)

differently

(b)

differences

(c)

different

(d)

difference

8.

(a)

spin

(b)

turn

(c)

twist

(d)

screw

9.

(a)

used

(b)

usage

(c)

using

(d)

uses

10.

(a)

likely

(b)

liked

(c)

likelihood

(d)

likes

11.

(a)

instead

(b)

opposite

(c)

prefer

(d)

rather

12.

(a)

emotions

(b)

emotionally

(c)

emotionless

(d)

emotion

WRITING

Write about relationships for 10 minutes. Correct your partner’s paper.

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

HOMEWORK

1. VOCABULARY EXTENSION: Choose several of the words from the text. Use a dictionary or Google’s search field (or another search engine) to build up more associations / collocations of each word.

2. INTERNET: Search the Internet and find out more about relationships. Share what you discover with your partner(s) in the next lesson.

3. RELATIONSHIPS: Make a poster about relationships. Show your work to your classmates in the next lesson. Did you all have similar things?

4. ROCKY: Write a magazine article about a rocky relationship. Include imaginary interviews with the people in the relationship. What do they say about each other?

Read what you wrote to your classmates in the next lesson. Write down any new words and expressions you hear from your partner(s).

5. LETTER: Write a letter to an expert on relationships. Ask him/her three questions about relationships. Give him/her three pieces of advice on how to make relationships successful. Read your letter to your partner(s) in your next lesson. Your partner(s) will answer your questions.

ANSWERS

TRUE / FALSE:

a.

F

b.

T

c.

F

d.

T

e.

T

f.

T

g.

F

h.

F

SYNONYM MATCH:

1.

affected

a.

influenced

2

rocky

b.

shaky

3.

coping

c.

managing

4.

exaggerated

d.

overstated

5.

brave

e.

courageous

6.

dealt

f.

coped

7.

masculine

g.

manly

8.

dependent

h.

needy

9.

opening up

i.

talking more

10.

aware

j.

conscious

PHRASE MATCH:

1.

when a relationship hits

a.

a rocky patch

2

a new study on over

b.

1,000 break-ups

3.

men have a much

c.

harder time

4.

Men are more sensitive than

d.

we often think

5.

men often put a brave

e.

face on problems

6.

how differently men and women

f.

dealt with problems

7.

turn to

g.

the bottle

8.

become dependent

h.

on alcohol or drugs

9.

substance

i.

abuse

10.

more sensitive to

j.

the ups and downs

GAP FILL:

Men hurt more in rocky relationships

Most people think women are more affected when a relationship hits a rocky patch. According to a new study on over 1,000 break-ups, it is the opposite. Research from the Wake Forest University in the USA suggests men have a much harder time dealing with the low points. Researchers say women have a harder time coping with a break-up. Lead researcher Robin Simon said: "Common wisdom says that women are more hurt by problems in a relationship, but we found that the…disadvantages of strain are exaggerated for the men." She added: "Men are more sensitive than we often think they are." Simon and her co-researchers discovered that men often put a brave face on problems they have with their partner but inside, they feel more emotional pain than women.

The research also showed how differently men and women dealt with problems. Women show their feelings more by crying and talking about how they feel. Men find this hard to do because they need to be ‘masculine’ and men don’t cry. Instead, they turn to the bottle or look for escape by using drugs. Ms Simon said the more relationship problems a guy went through, the more likely he was to become dependent on alcohol or drugs. They make the pain go away through substance abuse rather than talking. Simon said things are changing and that more and more men are opening up. She said guys these days are more likely to have divorced parents "and this might make them more sensitive to the ups and downs of a relationship” and be more emotionally aware.

LANGUAGE WORK

1 - a

2 - b

3 - c

4 - d

5 - d

6 - c

7 - a

8 - b

9 - c

10 - a

11 - d

12 - b

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